No- Guilt- Lazy Day

Have you ever thought of how long you have been waking up at 5 in the morning to go to school - when you were young, and then to work as you grew older? ... I just realized I've been doing it since I started school at the age of 6! In fact, during my dormitory days, I had to wake up at 4am to avoid the busyness of the bathrooms!

My life, just like most of you, had been a series of starting early, rushing to work, taking a break, work again, go home, sleep, then repeat. It was a never ending cycle. Until I resigned in 2019. Who would have guessed that there'd be a worldwide pandemic that would affect workforce everywhere? So, after a short vacation to see my old friends back home, I studied cooking, almost got a job at a hospital, had a short time doing camp work, I have been jobless for almost a year now.

I honestly want to think of this pandemic as a blessing in disguise. I wish I have regular work though, but at the same time, my mind and my body is saying it needs to rest.

One might think that being jobless means you've had enough rest, too much sleep, maybe over-relaxed, if there's such a thing. But that is far from the truth.

I realized that while I had all these forced-stay-in-home-days ahead of me, I was more anxious and uptight. I mean, if you've been living a life running to work all day, all year long, your system is so used to it that doing otherwise makes you feel - loss!

Just today, I planned on doing some cleaning but I ended up sleeping most of the day. And as much as I wanted to rush back to do some works, I was just tired!

You see, that's another thing. I may not be working but I have been taking care of the family. I have been learning to bake, making traditional Filipino dishes, doing the grocery, walking the dog everyday- rain or shine or snow, do the laundry on weekends and most recently, I had to bring my dad to the hospital for his radiation and chemotherapy from Monday to Friday since the first week of December. Let's not forget cleaning and shovelling.

Christmas season add stress, to be honest. It's not just from buying gifts, putting up all those decors, wrapping gifts, baking goodies to give away or just enjoy with the family but with no work for almost a year, yes, that's definitely worrisome!

Anyway, I guess, I have been worrying about, not just mine but the family's finances. It gives me sleepless nights, even nightmares at times. SIGH.

So, what am I driving at?

I would normally feel guilty. Guilty for falling asleep. For not doing what I planned to do. For not accomplishing anything. For not rushing.

Then I had to remind myself that it's Sunday and it's the day after New Year! The past days have been really hectic more than usual and in one more day, I have to go back to my usual schedule and I won't have time to rest or relax for a long time.

So, no! I'm not going to feel guilty because I've earned this time to rest and relax. In fact, I plan to take it easy tomorrow because on Tuesday, I have to bring my dad to the hospital, go to my own therapy, cook lunch and dinner, walk the dog, wash the dishes and hope that I still have energy to study or read.

"There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience."

-Hebrews 4:9-11

Have a great rest, everyone! And don't feel guilty about it.