Dear Philippines

With the election looming in just few days, I thought I'd like to share my thoughts to my friends back in the Philippines.

I was once a fierce supporter of Marcos. A die hard loyalist who believed that Marcos era was the golden years of our country. In fact, during my university days, before and after the People Power, I have debated with my classmates every chance I got. Most of the time, I was presented stories of abuses, unlawful imprisonments, unexplained disappearances, the killings! And my response was “Hindi naman ako apektado” believing that those people probably deserved what happened to them and that I’m a good citizen and has nothing to worry about.

What a haughty little me! That was my attitude for a very long time, until somebody asked me “okay lang sa yo na me pinapatay dahil hindi ka naman apektado?” That caught me tongue-tied! But it got me thinking...

It took me years to fully accept that the president I looked up to as the best president that the country has ever had or will ever have, a genius, someone the Filipino people could be proud of, someone I looked up to like a Lolo, was indeed nothing but a liar! A liar who fed the nation with lies, myths and fantasies, delusions that both he and his conniving wife concocted in their crooked minds. A liar who controlled the news with a lonesome newspaper that he heavily censored. Nothing were ever published without his approval. All news were about his "greatness", his "intelligence", his "bravery"... But all were lies. Nothing was even close to the truth. That was a painful pill to swallow for a loyalist.

I know that there’s a rabbit hole out there that would open doors to all these fantastical stories about the Marcoses. I’ve seen them, watched some of them, I’ve read them and I almost fell for it- again. But after seeing how these conspiracy theories, memes and what-have-yous in social media are destroying the norm and truth in our society, I've learned to be vigilant. "Check the facts!"- I always remind myself!

Most of us are Christians and as a Christian, I believe that the Bible presented us the TRUTH. So, it is our responsibility to always seek for the truth!

First, let me clear that this election is not about the feud between the Aquinos and the Marcoses, far from it! Because there was never really a feud between the two families. Yes, the Aquino family wanted justice for Ninoy, but that's just right. I mean, other families wanted justice for their loved ones who were killed under the Marcos regime, but do we also say they have a family feud with the Marcoses? It's a petty argument... Maybe with the Marcos family? After all, it was a murdered Aquino who inspired the nation to rise up and topple the tyrant. And it was a widowed Aquino who beat him in an election despite the heavily rigged result already in place. So, no! This is not about the Aquinos getting their revenge on the Marcoses! Whoever suggested that idea was either ignorant of our history or simply enabling Marcos! This election has nothing to do with the Aquinos! Are you seeing any Aquino running for presidency?! This election is about Marcos and our country! This election is about the truth which the Marcos family is now trying to erase from our history. This election is a fight for the truth, justice and freedom that was suppressed for 21 years under the conjugal dictatorship of Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos! We can’t let that happen because our history is essential in shaping our future.

In this election, Marcos is spending millions, which they embezzled from our country, to make him look meek and gentle to the public. You've ever wonder why he won't go to any debates or major interviews? I could think of so many reasons but the number one is to avoid answering questions that he'd rather not answer, like the Tallano gold that his family promises to give to every Filipino! (wow! but first you have to vote for him?!)... His school credentials (why can't he just admit that he never finished school because his father was giving him government positions he never won or chairmanship that he never worked for)... The martial law years where many were unlawfully arrested, tortured and killed (when asked if he would apologize to the Filipinos, he answered "why should I?" why indeed?! He has no remorse for those people his family killed because he doesn't care! we are not human to them)...

History would tell us that the Martial Law was used and abused by Marcos to gain ultimate power to control the country. History would show us that Marcos used his presidency to own every industry in the country, thus enriching him, his family and his cronies. History would show us that freedom of speech was suppressed during Martial Law. This is the reason why most of us were kept in the dark. The reason why most of us only have good impression of the the dictator, while corruption, killings were being covered up. History would show us that there were killings and people would disappear and never be seen again. Families were lucky if they find the dead bodies of their loved ones while some have to wonder forever what happened to their missing husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter. History would tell us that police brutality was rampant and that Marcos used the agency as his own private militia. History would tell us that it was not just Marcos Sr or Imelda who abused the presidency but also the children, particularly Imee and Bongbong. History would tell us that rape, drugs, sex trafficking were widespread. History would tell us we were not a great nation under the Marcos era. On the contrary! We were oppressed, abused, brainwashed, tortured...The country’s progress was stymied for 21 years because the “great” president only wanted to keep the power, the money for himself and his cronies!

Those were historical facts!

I don't get how people could still believe the lies that their family is weaving by paying a company that uses a system to influence voters. It's working! At least, to those who don't know our history, who relies on hearsay or would rather stay in the dark because they have closed their minds to the truth. It's working only to those who have chosen to stay blind when all they need to do is open their eyes.

This election is the most important election our country will ever have after the ousting of the dictator and his family. This election would define our country. This election would either usher us to a new, bright, future or would throw us back to a dark, uncertain years ahead of us.

To those who still believe that Marcos is your president- think again! Ask yourself- do I want a liar who deliberately lied to my face about his education? Do I want a leader who won't acknowledge the suffering of the country caused by his family? Do I want a candidate who never worked his entire life? Do I want a president who is strongly and openly associated with the past presidents who were convicted of crimes not to mention others who have ongoing cases? Do I want a president who won't pay his taxes while I diligently pay mine? Do I want a president who skipped all the debates and major interviews because "the questions are tough"?! Do I want a president who only wants the position because of power, money he could get out of it?!

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES AND BELIEFS?! Because your choice of president reflects your own!

And to those who are still undecided- Please don't vote for the "leading" according to a survey... don't vote for the one from your province... don't vote because of the name he carries... don't vote because of popularity!... don't vote because of their looks or gender... don't vote because you made a bet... don't vote for the one who give away envelopes and boxes... most of all don't vote based on lies! Check your facts! Seek for the truth. I don't know how many times I should put emphasis on the TRUTH!

Because TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!

Vote based on the FACTS! Vote for the person who is qualified! Vote for the one with no taint of corruption! Vote for the one who has genuine respect and love for the people. Who wants to serve and has proven to have served even when there's no election or there's no personal or political gain.

NEVER AGAIN must we allow ourselves to be fooled by sweet lies of blood sucking TRAPOs. NEVER AGAIN must we bow down to a tyrant and his power and wealth hungry family! NEVER FORGET those who died fighting the dictator. NEVER FORGET those who died senselessly during a drug war that was nothing but a fun fare to a godless man! NEVER FORGET how we kept choosing the wrong presidents- Marcos, Estrada, Arroyo and Duterte!

Lastly, I lay down this election to our Almighty God. I pray that He would open the eyes of those still living in the dark. Enlighten those who are brainwashed by all these propagandas to advance some unworthy candidates! Give us wisdom as we choose our next leader. I pray that He would raise up the true servant-leaders that our country need. Strike down those who have been impoverishing your people. Bring to justice those who have no respect for the law. Show Your mercy to our land and free us from the curse of the past dictator who have been stopping us from moving forward. Lead not our country to destruction and deliver us from the devils. This I pray in the mighty name of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus'!

Mabuhay tayong mga Pilipino!

Reset.

After two long months, my dad had his last day of radiation yesterday! Yehey! 🎉

We still have to go back mid-February and March for follow up but yesterday, we've decided to kind of celebrate with some Chinese food! 😀 No cooking for me! Woohoo!

My head had been filled with so many ideas and I have been waiting for this day so I could start all my projects!

But my body had other plans. I am exhausted.

It's been days now that I've had bouts of vertigo. Last Friday, my dad had to go alone to the hospital because everything around me was just spinning! I thought, today would be better and I even woke up really late but, no. I know it's not Covid because I still have my appetite and I don't have other symptoms. Right?... I hope so. I'm sure, I don't have the virus. LOL

I'm not just exhausted physically. I'm mentally drained.

Let's talk. Yes. Please.

I have been battling PTSD for the past years now and it's been hard. It was hard not knowing. But it doesn't make it easier knowing. It's better, though, because now I'm aware of it and have been getting help.

Which is why I'm talking. Or writing.

I've never really talked to my family about it. I would sometimes kind of joke about it, but never really discussed it. I never told them about my visits to my therapist... until I started leaving my schedule cards on my dresser where my sister could see. I can't bother my mom, who has Alzheimers, nor my dad who's got cancer and I'm not comfortable talking to my sister. But I know she knew.

Still, I feel alone most of the time. My dad's daily trips to the hospital forced me to cancel my bi-weekly meeting with my therapist. I have materials I could read and sites I could visit but it's not the same.

This is the reason why I have this blog. I need to write. I need an outlet. I need a venue to share my thoughts, my fears, my pain, my joy, my dreams.

Yes, my dreams, I have dreams. I still dream. My therapist said it's good that I have dreams. It will help me keep going. And that's the plan.

I want to keep going. I can't stop. I don't want to stop. Even when my mind torments me with unknown fears and this suffocating pain leaves me gasping, I will go on. I can go on.

Why? Because everyday, I'm reminded of God's promises. When I wake up, I look out my window and I see the day breaking and I'm reminded of His faithfulness. When I eat my breakfast, I'm filled with His provisions. When there's snowstorm outside, I am warm and safe at home and I feel His protection... What else do I need that He can't provide? Even with my dad and mom's condition, I trusts Him.

So, tonight, before I go to sleep, I will give thanks for all His blessings. And tomorrow, I will say thanks for another chance in life.

Good night, world.

“And your life will be brighter than the noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security. “ Job 11:17–19

No- Guilt- Lazy Day

Have you ever thought of how long you have been waking up at 5 in the morning to go to school - when you were young, and then to work as you grew older? ... I just realized I've been doing it since I started school at the age of 6! In fact, during my dormitory days, I had to wake up at 4am to avoid the busyness of the bathrooms!

My life, just like most of you, had been a series of starting early, rushing to work, taking a break, work again, go home, sleep, then repeat. It was a never ending cycle. Until I resigned in 2019. Who would have guessed that there'd be a worldwide pandemic that would affect workforce everywhere? So, after a short vacation to see my old friends back home, I studied cooking, almost got a job at a hospital, had a short time doing camp work, I have been jobless for almost a year now.

I honestly want to think of this pandemic as a blessing in disguise. I wish I have regular work though, but at the same time, my mind and my body is saying it needs to rest.

One might think that being jobless means you've had enough rest, too much sleep, maybe over-relaxed, if there's such a thing. But that is far from the truth.

I realized that while I had all these forced-stay-in-home-days ahead of me, I was more anxious and uptight. I mean, if you've been living a life running to work all day, all year long, your system is so used to it that doing otherwise makes you feel - loss!

Just today, I planned on doing some cleaning but I ended up sleeping most of the day. And as much as I wanted to rush back to do some works, I was just tired!

You see, that's another thing. I may not be working but I have been taking care of the family. I have been learning to bake, making traditional Filipino dishes, doing the grocery, walking the dog everyday- rain or shine or snow, do the laundry on weekends and most recently, I had to bring my dad to the hospital for his radiation and chemotherapy from Monday to Friday since the first week of December. Let's not forget cleaning and shovelling.

Christmas season add stress, to be honest. It's not just from buying gifts, putting up all those decors, wrapping gifts, baking goodies to give away or just enjoy with the family but with no work for almost a year, yes, that's definitely worrisome!

Anyway, I guess, I have been worrying about, not just mine but the family's finances. It gives me sleepless nights, even nightmares at times. SIGH.

So, what am I driving at?

I would normally feel guilty. Guilty for falling asleep. For not doing what I planned to do. For not accomplishing anything. For not rushing.

Then I had to remind myself that it's Sunday and it's the day after New Year! The past days have been really hectic more than usual and in one more day, I have to go back to my usual schedule and I won't have time to rest or relax for a long time.

So, no! I'm not going to feel guilty because I've earned this time to rest and relax. In fact, I plan to take it easy tomorrow because on Tuesday, I have to bring my dad to the hospital, go to my own therapy, cook lunch and dinner, walk the dog, wash the dishes and hope that I still have energy to study or read.

"There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience."

-Hebrews 4:9-11

Have a great rest, everyone! And don't feel guilty about it.